Days 75-80 - An Evening with Friends

Update:  Before I go any further into this new post I just wanted to share with everyone, who might've been worried about me, that I have indeed found a new job. I am now an assistant to a fashion designer. It was by an act of grace and of Jesus fucking Christ that I found this job.

Its sad, when post-graduates, twenty-somethings, must plan days, weeks, maybe months ahead to get together and catch up. But, its the time when lives drift apart... again.

Anyway, there I am with all my close friends. The musician (he's in a acoustic band that's just my kind of style, I've only heard him play once), the aspiring actress (another?! who isn't these days?!), the jock, my best friend, and the couple (friends turned relationship whores). Speaking of the couple, it was an adjustment that I think everyone in the group had to get use to. I mean, they don't naturally seem to be ideal and they were always opposites and they never really ever got along. We all said they have a clear love-hate relationship. Now its just weird to see them together cooperating and being all lovey-dovey.

Everyone had updates. Somehow, I just sat in the back taking everything in. Drinking my cocktails. I think I was already on my second one. Me and my best friend were busy whispering and laughing like old times. She's my best girlfriend. She's my call to everything stressful that life has to offer.

The musician. He shared that he's going to be playing at a pretty big venue coming up. He's going to be an opening act, some were excited, others not too much. The jock opened his mouth and said, "When are you going to set down that guitar of yours and realize its time to grow up and get a real job." I mean, I thought we were all friends. Don't friends support each other? It caused a bit of a friction amongst all of us.

The jock. Told everyone that he thinks he met the "one." That he's looking for the perfect diamond for her. He's about to finish law school. Looking for a job. And still a jerk, arrogant prick since the first time I could remember. He's so straight laced. He refuses to even enter any gay place out of fear that he might be associated with us homosexuals. I'm mainly his glory friend so he can say he's not homophobic, cause he has a friend whose gay. Plus me and my best friend are the only ethnic ones in the group. Korean and Indian American. So he can play the race card too.

The actress. Finally got her first big audition win. She's an understudy for a new musical (big deal, that just means you weren't good enough. That's just a nice way of saying, "You sucked.") Everyone is excited for her. She's thrilled. She just lights up. We ask her all sorts of questions. She answers in her usual very quick and jumpy sort of way. She's very spastic. And the jock eyes her from all sides and all over. He gives her the sex eyes. It was disgusting to watch. I wanted to slap myself. And especially, as how he just got through with telling everybody that he wants to marry somebody. That means, stop giving sex eyes. The actress saw the eyes of the jock. She basically just teased him on. This can not be good. The two of them....ewww. Gross. And so much for finding the "one," huh.

The best friend. Reveals to everyone that she's engaged. I turn. Look at the person sitting next to me. Her. In shock. How could she just reveal this to me in this sort of way? Does she not respect me to let me know before everyone else? I nearly spewed the cocktail in my mouth. When did he propose? Everybody is all congratulatory. Except for me. "Its been about two months now," she says weakly. She sees my expression. Everybody is all like two months, why the big secret? She says simply she's been busy, a lots been going on, and its just been a busy time for everybody. But we talk weekly. You couldn't feel me in on that update in your life. Its not that exciting of news anyway she stated. Uhm, yes it is. I ask about her plans. Everybody looks shocked. Like I've should already have known. I'm with everybody on that one. She's like she's moving to Columbus, Ohio in less than two months. I'm like what? Are you kidding me? She sees how I'm not thrilled for her. Should I be? She's deciding to hold off on grad school. Gonna move, etc. Me and her got serious ackward the rest of the evening.

The couple shared that they are expecting a child. They are looking into marriage. Looking at buying a house. And I'm all like aren't you guys moving too fast?! And everybody thought I was being mean, because obviously they love each other, etc. Whatever. I just not a proponent for marriages just cause somebody's pregnant. And I just want to voice another opinion, to just sit on your ass and think before you act. Don't act on something this important right away. Give it some time.

Me. Shared my update. That I'm working for a fashion designer as an assistant. Everybody is like when are you going to get serious and try to do something real with your life. Everybody bashed me. Saying I'm still living a lie. That I haven't changed since college. I need to get serious. The musician didn't even say that to me. He was all like, let him do what he wants. They were all like, "What do you want to do?" And I said, "Obviously you guys don't know me enough to know what I want to be." I mean, I graduated, took some time off from school to work. I want to work at a magazine company. And nobody knows that apparently. But whatever. I sat back and just ranted. Told each and every single one of them what jerks they were. And I bounced. Even the musician left with me. How did that happen? We aren't even that close. To me, his just another member of the group. One whom I never got to know.

We went to a cool place that he knew of. We talked. Never knew how much alike we were and yet different we were. Can not believe that the actress wasn't even defending ourselves, we both agreed. For being a straight guy, I'm starting to have a bromance with him. We didn't even realize that tonight is karoake. He decided to sign both of us up (without my knowledge and he picked my song). They called my name to sing Britney's "...Baby One More Time." I wanted to kill that guy for setting me up for disaster and embarrassment, but he's just smiling all devilishly. Half-way through I was like lets do this. I think I totally smashed that performance at the end. At least I was entertaining LOL

Me and the musician talked at how our other friends just seem to be thinking that we are strange for not growing up. But me and him both want to pursue our dreams. He wants to be a singer/songwriter. And I want to be an editor in a magazine. We talked about why both of us are single. He joked with me that he's bi-curious. That peeked my interest. And I joked, "You can't joke about something like that." And he was all playful and confident and daring and risky and super sexy steamy with, "Who says I'm joking?" This guy is all mysterious. And I love it. He asked why I never liked him. And I told him flat out I never didn't like him. I just didn't give him the time of day because he just blended in with the rest. He just didn't stick out like a lot of the others. We both agreed that there's a lot of strong personalities in our group. We joked that the reason everybody supported the actress is because she's the likeable one everybody likes in the group. The one that wants everybody to like her. The one that wants everybody to get along.  The musician kept buying drinks and shots. And I was just drinking ensync with him.

We went to his place which wasn't too far from the drinking establishment. We entered his place and he embraced me up against his door. Touching me. Caressing me. We got all hot at the entrance to his apartment. Undressing ourselves to the bedroom. We didn't have sex. But we caressed. We cuddled. We made out. And I had the best night of my life. And in the morning, we both were like, "What you doing this weekend?" We brought up the idea of a relationship. We both were interested to see what this is and where this will go or lead to. We kissed and parted ways. And than he texted me during my commute to work. It was sweet. And I was all cheery. What a perfect day.

Update: I'm going to start to include photos of random passerbys in my blog soon. Guys who I see running shirtless, who make me drool and wet, and girls who need to get a style clue, who gross me out, make me sick and gag. I'm not going to try to be another gay eye of style. I'm just going to be my normal overly sexual and bitchy self =)

XOXO 1010

Days 55-74 - April! Fools!

This has been the worst. My house got broken into. And not the good kind even. I leave my door unlocked. Yeah, I know, that's not like a good thing. But I post on Craigslist sometimes for like some carefree fucks and go sessions. Anyway, I thought the guy entering was a client/customer. So I just laid in my bed. Awaiting. Excited. Thrilled.

And OMG! I got held up at gun point in my own bedroom. The guy entered my room. At first I thought he was role playing. But he than got scary. I got gagged and tied up. Still thinking it was all good fun. My voice gets higher when I'm all giddy and aroused. I was like a child saying, "Lions, tigers, and bears oh my!" But when he blindfolded me and hit me up badly. I knew I was in trouble. This wasn't fun. Anymore. And I started putting up a fight, but yeah I know, too late dumb ass. Anyway, he jacked up all my shit. I'm out with nothing. I mean, he took particularly everything he could. Even my laptop. And LCD TV. I cried. I'm still crying.

What's worse, he drove off. In my car. Luckily, they found the bastard, but still. I was demoralized. I was victimized. And I didn't go out of my house or do anything for a couple of days. I was like an old maid. It was dirty. Disgusting. Depressing. Depraving. I didn't shower. Eww.

And than, I got fired on April Fools Day by my new boss. He caught me. He discovered the evidence. That I drink alcohol and pop pills on the job. He even recommended me to enter rehab. What?! the?! fuck?!

At first, I didn't believe him. I thought he was doing a good job at the April Fools thing. Before I realized he was fucking serious. That douchebag.

Now I'm jobless and practically homeless. I'm trying to find a job in this economy that can afford to pay me. Or a job that can provide a lifestyle in my price range. Its awful.

I've been getting paranoid about locking my car doors and my house. One night I woke up freaking out that I didn't lock my car up. Well I ran out of the house. To find out that my car doors were in fact locked. And realized I locked myself out. Of my house. Shit. It was fucking 40 outside. I was fucking cold out there only in my boxers. I slept on the grass. Like some homeless bum who hasn't showered in days. Or just the neighborhood drunk. In the morning, I used a neighbors phone to call a friend who has a key to my house. He made fun of me. He thought I was joking. When arrived he was laughing hysterically. I smacked the shits out him. He fucked me up. But anyway he's just a friend. If you know what I mean. What a depressing month? April's showers are fucked up. I feel like I have a rain cloud that follows me. Woe is me!

Anyway, at least the future can't be too grim LOL