Self-esteem is defined as how you regard or value yourself, the opinions or judgments that you hold for yourself, and in the context of relationships, the source of power that starts inside of an individual and radiates out to others.
This is an honest perspective, which I am just as guilty of and in which I'm learning how to change on a daily basis. A good friend of mine once proclaimed, "Love always begins with yourself. You must love yourself first in order to love others. Love is a two-way street of giving and receiving. You can't give away the gift of love unless you possess it within yourself in the first place. And you can't receive and accept love if you don't feel deep inside that you deserve it."
Reasons why having low self-esteem will drag a relationship down: First, it is simply unattractive to potential love partners because it brings them down emotionally. Second, having low self-esteem prevents you from performing at your best. And finally, when someone has a low opinion of themselves, they send an unconscious message out to others that there must be something wrong with them.
Build people up; don't knock them down: Putting down others to make yourself feel more attractive is not a sustainable or desirable method for empowering your life. Choose a more enlightening approach to living life instead by building other people up and thereby raising your own self-esteem as a natural by-product. At least, that's what I've heard. Or at least, what I'm told. I'm extremely guilty of this. I unconsciously knock everyone around me down. Just because its a joke, doesn't mean it won't hurt. People don't like jerks and most definitely don't want to be around an asshole.
In order to attract love into your life, the first place to start is by improving the relationship you have with yourself. By doing this, you'll be sending out an unmistakable signal to the universe that you are a person of incredible value, and any right person would be crazy not to love and cherish you!
I'm quite sure a lot of you guys and gals will quickly say that they love themselves, while in reality you weaken your own power in unintentional and often overlooked ways like self-talk. We tend to be the worst at knocking ourselves down. Don't forget how we treat ourselves, how talk about ourselves. I'm guilty of this. I'm not sure when I told myself, "You are amazing. You make me proud. You are incredible. I love you, I mean, me LOL." So be smart and love yourself first and foremost.
Rediscover your overlooked personal strengths.
There is a popular saying that goes, "It ain't bragging if it's true."
In your private moments, be sure to take some time out to
remember some of your often-overlooked positive qualities. Why wait around for someone else to give you an
uplifting and empowering personal compliment, when
nobody knows you better than you do? When your personal power starts to run low, be the first one to do a little
bragging in the name of love.
Stop living to please others.
Most of us were raised to
try to please other people, whether it was our parents,
teachers, coaches, friends, or other family members. But
as adults, there is a limit to how much energy we can spend
on pleasing others before it is at the expense of our own
desires. You can show how much you truly love yourself by
choosing to prioritize your own needs over those of others.
After an initial adjustment, this strategy will end up freeing
up more positive energy in your life, which other people
will find naturally attractive.
Practice more compassion for others.
When we put
ourselves in other people's shoes and feel empathy for
their challenges, we are practicing compassion. This emotion helps us to
open up our hearts and value other people. Even a small act, like
looking people in the eye and
saying "hello," sends a clear message to that other person
that they matter. A simple, yet profound principle to
remember is that you can’t elevate another person’s self-esteem without
also elevating your own.
Learn to laugh at yourself.
We would all agree that having a great sense of humor is attractive to others. And
when we are able to direct this humor toward ourselves, it
offers multiple benefits. First, it acts like a safety valve and
takes off some of the pressure of everyday living. Secondly,
it prevents us from taking ourselves too seriously. Also, it
can prevent us from being too hard on ourselves when we
don’t measure up to our own high expectations.
Lightening things up has the attractive side-benefit of
putting others at ease, too! They don’t have to worry that
we’ll be too hard on them also.
Say positive things that boast your self esteem.
Uh, duh! Your ability to rediscover and reaffirm your best human
qualities will greatly affect how much you truly like and respect
yourself. The
more often you repeat this exercise with emotional intensity and
congruent physiology, the more immune you will be to the negative
comments
of others. That way, you’ll naturally become more attractive to everyone
including the opposite sex.
List your personal breakthroughs.
We all have proud
moments when we were able to overcome a particular
challenge successfully. Taking an inventory of these breakthrough moments and appreciating our progress can raise
our self-esteem. What accomplishments are you most proud of? Make sure that you create a
list of your breakthroughs and put it somewhere where
you can look at it regularly. Remind yourself of how wonderful and courageous you truly are.
Stop the critic inside you. There is an internal voice
within each of us that likes to remind us of our fears and
limitations. When faced with a major challenge, this voice
will often proclaim, "No you can't!" So it is our responsibility and duty to quiet that self-sabotaging voice. Listen
instead to the powerful inspiration of your own inner and
outer voice with repeated positive statements like "Yes, I
can!" and "If it's to be, it's up to me.' When possible, do
this in front of a mirror. By reinforcing the message that
you send yourself with strong tonality, sincere emotion,
and congruent facial expressions, you'll be replacing your
inner critic with a private cheerleader. This is a great way
to raise and maintain a high self-esteem.
Get comfortable with your own body. It’s also important to accept and appreciate yourself on a physical level.
While we can't all have "the perfect body," it's a good practice to remove any awkwardness or shyness that we may
have with ourselves. A constructive thing to do is to stop
thinking about how flawed your body looks and to start
paying attention to how healthy your body is becoming.
The healthiness of your body is something that you can
have immediate control over through diet, discipline,
exercise, and relaxation. And the bottom line is that a
healthy body is a sexy body, which is all you really need to
convey to men and, more importantly, to yourself.
Accept compliments graciously.
Many people have difficulty accepting compliments. They will often respond by
lowering their heads or saying something to minimize the
compliment. The internal effect is that you rob yourself of
the self-esteem boost that you could be receiving from the
other person. Instead of rejecting the next compliment,
be ready to accept it graciously by holding your head high
and saying, “Thank you.” Do this and you will also allow
the sender of the compliment to enjoy the gift of giving.
Treat yourself to well-deserved rewards.
It is a healthy
practice to reward yourself periodically with special treats.
That way, you’ll be sending a clear message to yourself that
you deserve to be treated well. If you don’t feel worthy of
accepting rewards in life, how can you expect another person to feel that you’re worthy of their attention and love?
Small indulgences like a trip to the spa for a facial and
massage may do more than just make your body feel better. Such special treatment revitalizes the essential spirit of
self-esteem, and it will power your love life.
I stole these secret tips from a girlfriend of mine. I think she said she got these ideas from Oprah. Go figure, right?! She's the 'queen of self-help" LOL I'm just gonna come right out and say this: Dating absolutely just sucks! This is especially true if we are unintentionally sabotaging ourselves and inadvertently scaring away all the guys. That's not what we want to do! But, however, dating can rock if and only if we start loving ourselves first and send out a clear signal to these stupid prospective boys that we're a special mate who rightly deserves to be recognized, appreciated, and loved.
