So I've been fucked up and busy fucking. Its hard having to deal with some guys schedule. And yes, I'm still fucking that hot guy from the gym. He has a name. He's no longer meat status. You know, after so long "with" the guy, its just rude to not know his name. Jeff. Jeff's amazing. And he just seems to get better with each practice session. Like, he wants to just make me happy. He wants me to orgasm during my orgasms. Isn't that amazing?
I can't say no to his, "where are you?' texts. Its straight guy for, "let's fuck." And I don't mind if he is putting me in the fucking category, cause I'm so down to fuck. Its hard these days to find a decent guy to fuck on a regular basis. And Jeff, well, he's decent. He always showers... before and after.
The after showers are.....a little weird for me. Its like he's sanctifying himself. Cleansing himself. I don't know. Like, he wants to make sure my dirtiness is wiped off from him. I'm always like really. But he does have a good excuse. "I don't want to smell like sex, ass, and balls to my girlfriend." Jeff, just admit it. YOU'RE GAY.
I can not believe this but I'm working my schedule around him. Like today, I was like I'm going to quit fucking Jeff for some days. And he texts me during lunch, "where you at babes?" One babes, it made me blush and grin and smile and I was like, "Do I like....him?" And I was thinking to myself, "No, you can not. But I really so want to. But than I'll be hungry. Screw hunger. Let's lose weight. Anorexia is so in. Let's get anorexic."
I'm all exhausted from the fucking. And I can not say no. Screw Nancy Reagan and her "Just Say No to Drugs" campaign. I say yes. Yes I'm getting fucked up. And yes, I'm not backing down. I'm going be the first to snort, inject, smoke whatever shit comes my way Ms. Nancy. But damn, my ass is sure happy. And I've lost like 5 or so pounds. I say happy days are here again. And if Jeff is my drug, I'm gonna overdose myself. I want more.
Jeff is just another guy, whose been in my ass. Its not Jeff that I like, its his cock. And his penetration. His intensity.
Ok, so maybe its Jeff, who I really like. But I'm only liking him cause he fucks me. And I'm hoping he continues to fuck me. Or else I'll be fucking stalking his ass ;-)
BTW, sorry for my hiatus, as you can, rather read, I've been busy fucking. So, please don't hate if I'm being slow with the updates. A boys got to do what a boys got to do. And that's fucking...that.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day 2 - Fuck it. Follow your gut
I made a huge mistake. And I regret it...
I left my water bottle today unattended. I almost got caught with cheap alcohol at work. I went to the bathroom for no more than like 5 minutes and when I came back I caught one of the associates trying to take a sip from the bottle. First, that's disgusting. Who does that? I do not want to share spit with employees. Anyway, that would not have been good. Close call. Reminder to self, take water bottle with you. Do not leave it unattended.
I went to the gym today. Did some soul-searching and decided it was pretty fucking stupid of myself to not feel the cute guy up. When I was working out I couldn't concentrate. I was too busy looking for him. And he was no where to be seen. It was disappointing. I decided to take a break from one of the machines to just cool off. He snuck up from behind me and said, "If you aren't using the machine move to allow somebody else to use it." I would have normally thought this rude, but he was just smiling at me. I looked at him. Smiled. And was happy to see him. But I'm not going to admit that to him. I want to keep him guessing.
We spoke. I never really talked with a guy at the gym. He was fun to work out with. And he has a very nice body to focus on. I think I was drooling over his body at one point. Fucking embarrassing.
He got up and walked towards the bathroom and stopped mid-way. Looked back to me and cocked his head toward the bathroom. Was he beckoning me on with him? No way, right?! Anyway I went to inspect. I pretended I had to use the bathroom and he waited patiently in the back.
I finished my business and he was like you're a hot guy and such. That he has a girlfriend and stuff. And I was like fucking right whatever. He acted all shy and uncomfortable in the bathroom. That should have stopped me from being all fucking aggressive to him but it didn't. I was on him like white on rice.
I can't remember the last time I gave a blowjob to a guy in the bathroom. Probably was high school maybe. I didn't swallow. For one the guy's cum tasted like shit. Don't know what that guy eats but something he consumes reeks. But otherwise I know he enjoyed the head. He blew in my mouth in matter of moments. It was like his cock was saying he hadn't had good head in a while. I'm glad his cock was fucking excited to be in my mouth. But he needs to start eating pineapple.
I walked out of the bathroom while he was still getting situated. He followed me down the stairs and out of the gym. He said that was the first time he was with a guy. That he never did anything like that before. And I actually sort of believed him but I think I came across as a bitch because I was like I don't give a shit. And I don't want anything more to do with him. I want him to walk away. I gave you head so now walk on by. You know?! But he stayed like a lost puppy. A cute one though.
He asked for my number and I was like, "what about your girlfriend?" He said he wanted to keep in touch. I don't know what I was thinking in actually giving him my digits. Should have given him 10 fake digits, but I was thinking that was mean and rude. And I wouldn't want a guy to do that to me. Right?! Do I really want to meet him up again? And he walked away by saying, "See you tomorrow night at the gym."
I really don't want to see him again. I want him to avoid me. Like nothing ever happened. For him to go on with his business like we never met. I really want to cancel my gym membership and find a new gym so we don't have to bump into each other and have one of those many awkward moments. But I like the gym I go to. Fuck me.
What was I thinking by following my gut? Nothing ever good happens. I just fuck up. I should be smart. Why do you doubt yourself when you make the right decision? And how do you always know when you made the wrong one? It makes no sense. Fuck my life.
I left my water bottle today unattended. I almost got caught with cheap alcohol at work. I went to the bathroom for no more than like 5 minutes and when I came back I caught one of the associates trying to take a sip from the bottle. First, that's disgusting. Who does that? I do not want to share spit with employees. Anyway, that would not have been good. Close call. Reminder to self, take water bottle with you. Do not leave it unattended.
I went to the gym today. Did some soul-searching and decided it was pretty fucking stupid of myself to not feel the cute guy up. When I was working out I couldn't concentrate. I was too busy looking for him. And he was no where to be seen. It was disappointing. I decided to take a break from one of the machines to just cool off. He snuck up from behind me and said, "If you aren't using the machine move to allow somebody else to use it." I would have normally thought this rude, but he was just smiling at me. I looked at him. Smiled. And was happy to see him. But I'm not going to admit that to him. I want to keep him guessing.
We spoke. I never really talked with a guy at the gym. He was fun to work out with. And he has a very nice body to focus on. I think I was drooling over his body at one point. Fucking embarrassing.
He got up and walked towards the bathroom and stopped mid-way. Looked back to me and cocked his head toward the bathroom. Was he beckoning me on with him? No way, right?! Anyway I went to inspect. I pretended I had to use the bathroom and he waited patiently in the back.
I finished my business and he was like you're a hot guy and such. That he has a girlfriend and stuff. And I was like fucking right whatever. He acted all shy and uncomfortable in the bathroom. That should have stopped me from being all fucking aggressive to him but it didn't. I was on him like white on rice.
I can't remember the last time I gave a blowjob to a guy in the bathroom. Probably was high school maybe. I didn't swallow. For one the guy's cum tasted like shit. Don't know what that guy eats but something he consumes reeks. But otherwise I know he enjoyed the head. He blew in my mouth in matter of moments. It was like his cock was saying he hadn't had good head in a while. I'm glad his cock was fucking excited to be in my mouth. But he needs to start eating pineapple.
I walked out of the bathroom while he was still getting situated. He followed me down the stairs and out of the gym. He said that was the first time he was with a guy. That he never did anything like that before. And I actually sort of believed him but I think I came across as a bitch because I was like I don't give a shit. And I don't want anything more to do with him. I want him to walk away. I gave you head so now walk on by. You know?! But he stayed like a lost puppy. A cute one though.
He asked for my number and I was like, "what about your girlfriend?" He said he wanted to keep in touch. I don't know what I was thinking in actually giving him my digits. Should have given him 10 fake digits, but I was thinking that was mean and rude. And I wouldn't want a guy to do that to me. Right?! Do I really want to meet him up again? And he walked away by saying, "See you tomorrow night at the gym."
I really don't want to see him again. I want him to avoid me. Like nothing ever happened. For him to go on with his business like we never met. I really want to cancel my gym membership and find a new gym so we don't have to bump into each other and have one of those many awkward moments. But I like the gym I go to. Fuck me.
What was I thinking by following my gut? Nothing ever good happens. I just fuck up. I should be smart. Why do you doubt yourself when you make the right decision? And how do you always know when you made the wrong one? It makes no sense. Fuck my life.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day 1 - Admit you have a problem
There are 4 things that get me through the day.
1. Starbucks coffee
2. My water bottle filled with cheap alcohol
3. Xanax
4. Facebook
I work as an office assistant (and please do not call me a secretary). Not much goes on the average day. Normally I just do absolutely nothing and get paid to sit on my ass and sound like a bitch to customers who need to pay their balance. I like my job. However, it does have its moments.
And yes, I drink on the job. I carry in my morning Starbucks with me into the office to waken me up everyday. Without my morning Joe I would be all over the place. Trust me. I would look and act rough. On my lunch break, I even purchase another round of my grande size house coffee from Starbucks. Without this essential caffeine, I would be a walking zombie. I wouldn't be able to last in the boring answering of phone calls.
Onto the water bottle. What people assume is water is not going to hurt them. Why must I reveal the true contents of my container? That's only for me to know. Again, alcohol is the only thing that's consistent in my life. The taste doesn't up and change on me.
Xanax it keeps me going like the coffee. I need to seem alive and not dead. Right? And perky is so in. Smile
Facebook. When I'm bored I'm scrolling through stalking every bloat that's worth stalking. Sometimes meeting random people on there. Smile
But speaking of problems, I am a regular at my local YMCA. I go to workout and exercise and sweat and relieve what stress I have.
However, tonight while I was at the gym there was this really cute guy checking me out. And you know when somebody is checking you out! It creates an awkward moment. Like what do you do?
Anyway, I glanced over at him. And even I couldn't stop glancing and staring and checking him out. I think I even smiled at him.
I got up and went to the water fountain and when I finished he was there next to me. He smiled and looked at me. He didn't say one word. I didn't know how to react. I mean, I'm all disgusting and sweaty and being approached. I mean, the gym isn't a bar. Are you suppose to hookup with random strangers from the gym?
That's my dilemma. That's when I realized I had a problem. And I'm thinking I made a pretty bad decision of walking away. Should I have feeled him all up?
I have a problem. And its with guys. Boys boys boys.
1. Starbucks coffee
2. My water bottle filled with cheap alcohol
3. Xanax
4. Facebook
I work as an office assistant (and please do not call me a secretary). Not much goes on the average day. Normally I just do absolutely nothing and get paid to sit on my ass and sound like a bitch to customers who need to pay their balance. I like my job. However, it does have its moments.
And yes, I drink on the job. I carry in my morning Starbucks with me into the office to waken me up everyday. Without my morning Joe I would be all over the place. Trust me. I would look and act rough. On my lunch break, I even purchase another round of my grande size house coffee from Starbucks. Without this essential caffeine, I would be a walking zombie. I wouldn't be able to last in the boring answering of phone calls.
Onto the water bottle. What people assume is water is not going to hurt them. Why must I reveal the true contents of my container? That's only for me to know. Again, alcohol is the only thing that's consistent in my life. The taste doesn't up and change on me.
Xanax it keeps me going like the coffee. I need to seem alive and not dead. Right? And perky is so in. Smile
Facebook. When I'm bored I'm scrolling through stalking every bloat that's worth stalking. Sometimes meeting random people on there. Smile
But speaking of problems, I am a regular at my local YMCA. I go to workout and exercise and sweat and relieve what stress I have.
However, tonight while I was at the gym there was this really cute guy checking me out. And you know when somebody is checking you out! It creates an awkward moment. Like what do you do?
Anyway, I glanced over at him. And even I couldn't stop glancing and staring and checking him out. I think I even smiled at him.
I got up and went to the water fountain and when I finished he was there next to me. He smiled and looked at me. He didn't say one word. I didn't know how to react. I mean, I'm all disgusting and sweaty and being approached. I mean, the gym isn't a bar. Are you suppose to hookup with random strangers from the gym?
That's my dilemma. That's when I realized I had a problem. And I'm thinking I made a pretty bad decision of walking away. Should I have feeled him all up?
I have a problem. And its with guys. Boys boys boys.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Who am I?
I am a fuck up. I have fucked up.
I am a self-proclaimed alcoholic. But what twenty-something isn't?
I sometimes find that the only thing that's consistent in my life is the cocktail that I consume. My drink is the only thing that doesn't change in my fucking chaotic life.
I'm a whore. I go to random guys' home or I bring random guys home with me from the bar. When I'm drunk, I don't want to be left alone.
I'm a whore, not a slut. There's a difference. A slut is easy regardless. A whore is easy when drunk. Basically, I'm being taken advantage of. So what if I'm a little friendly and flirty when I drink? That still doesn't give you the right to touch my ass.
I find that the only sex that is enjoyable is the one where alcohol is involved. Maybe that's because I don't find sex enjoyable period. Or maybe I haven't found the right guy who knows how to operate their equipment. The motion in the ocean is just not cutting it out for me. Sorry guys, sex bores me.
However, I'm horny all the time. All day. I could eat sex for breakfast and still want more.
I'm difficult. I'm a challenge. I don't even understand what's going on in my life. I can't keep up with everything or the pressures.
That's probably why I'm such a dick, an ass, a jerk, a bitch.
I am a fuck up. I have fucked up. I will fuck up. I am fucked. Fuck me.
I am a self-proclaimed alcoholic. But what twenty-something isn't?
I sometimes find that the only thing that's consistent in my life is the cocktail that I consume. My drink is the only thing that doesn't change in my fucking chaotic life.
I'm a whore. I go to random guys' home or I bring random guys home with me from the bar. When I'm drunk, I don't want to be left alone.
I'm a whore, not a slut. There's a difference. A slut is easy regardless. A whore is easy when drunk. Basically, I'm being taken advantage of. So what if I'm a little friendly and flirty when I drink? That still doesn't give you the right to touch my ass.
I find that the only sex that is enjoyable is the one where alcohol is involved. Maybe that's because I don't find sex enjoyable period. Or maybe I haven't found the right guy who knows how to operate their equipment. The motion in the ocean is just not cutting it out for me. Sorry guys, sex bores me.
However, I'm horny all the time. All day. I could eat sex for breakfast and still want more.
I'm difficult. I'm a challenge. I don't even understand what's going on in my life. I can't keep up with everything or the pressures.
That's probably why I'm such a dick, an ass, a jerk, a bitch.
I am a fuck up. I have fucked up. I will fuck up. I am fucked. Fuck me.
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