Yesterday night, I wish my friends would have told me it was St. Patty's day. Cause than I would have gone home to my dog. I don't know what it is about St. Patty's but people just don't act normal. Its like a full moon. People go ape shit. Dunno why.
For example: I go up to the bar last night to order the drinks for me and all my friends. I love it that its the alcoholic in the group getting everybody drinks. I mean, you can't be in a bar without a drink in your hand. Hello! And there's this guy. Remotely attractive sitting there alone at the bar. I stand beside him. And he says to me, "Sorry." I look at him. Confused. And ask in the most bitchy way possible, "Excuse me?" And he's like, "I'm sorry, its just, I'm not interested." And I was like what in the hell. I look at him appalled. I turned diva on his ass. I was like, "Excuse me? I'm sorry for making you think I was interested, ha." Rolled my eyes and leaned on bar and called to the bartender, "Hey James. The usual." With a nice loving smile. "Keep the change." And James was all like, "Thanks boo." And I was like, "I know." Remotely attractive guy turns to me and says, "Hope all those aren't for you." And I turn to him and I'm like, "These are for my friends. Something you lack this evening."
I drop the drinks off on the table my friends got. And I proceed to share them my trauma when one of my friends gives me the eye gesture that someone is approaching. I turn and look and its remotely attractive guy. He's all like, "You look like a vodka tonic kind of guy." And I'm like, "Oh really. Too bad. Drinks full." My friends were all like, "Hey, I'll take the free drink." I scolded them for accepting a hand-out. Plus, remotely attractive guy took this as a sign my friends approved of him. Sheesh. Never give a guy in a bar hope. God, haven't they learned anything from me.
He stands there and is all cocky and says to me, "Kiss me, I'm Irish." And I'm like, "Fuck you, I'm Asian." And he's all like, "No really, I'm Irish." And I'm like, "Fuck you. I'm Asian." He turns and walks away. My friends bash me. Telling me that I'm such a bitch and a diva. And I'm like, "Its a part of my game. I make guys feel like shit and they come back for more. Just watch."
Remotely attractive guy walks back, maybe hour later. And is all like, "You look like a ginger and bourbon kind of guy?" And I'm like, "Getting better. But, still have my own drink. And still, I don't need yours." My friends are all like, "Ignore him. He doesn't get out much." Wink. God I hate them. What was that suppose to mean? That I'm not whorish enough like you? At least I don't bump into somebody I have slept with every minute while out.
Anyway, I ended up going back to my house. I hate St. Patty's. But I didn't go home empty-handed. I took remotely attractive guy with me. Gotta love the Irish. They sure don't give up. Remember "Braveheart" LOL
And my friends? Well, lets just say one woke up with shit all over their junk. How classy, huh LOL Can't keep it down. Amateur.
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